For the week May 12 through May 19, 2008 Chaudiere lodge is pleased to begin accepting reservations for its first “I am Going Where You Can’t Bother Me” week. During this week a maximum of only 12 guests will be accepted and none will be assigned adjacent cottages.  No one under 21 years of age will be accepted.

What you get: for starters, Absolute Peace and Quiet. No Children. No Crowds. No Interruptions (unless you want them).  Excellent service and food.  Some boating, if you enjoy the blistering 60 degree F heat (not for sissies).

Optional: A chance to begin the first 4 chapters in your new novel, the ones you promised your publisher 3 months ago (or finish the last 4 chapters in your last novel, same publisher. different promise); we block all your phone calls.

Or: Paint (you know you always wanted to try it)/Don’t paint (you are, after all, a commercial artist), beautiful scenery is complementary.
Or: the chance to spend a week contemplating what exactly you are going to do with the rest of your life without somebody interrupting you to tell you that Bail Bondsmen work 3 hours a week and make a bundle.

Or: the chance to figure out in peace and quiet how to get rid of that snake/rat/weasel business partner of yours who you figure has been stealing you blind for years and who works only 3 hours a week. Your spouse will be reading, quietly, in the lodge lounge and available for occasional consultation when the ethics vs. cash quandary raises it’s not so pretty head.

Or: this is the opportunity to surprise your girlfriend/boyfriend and grab that case of 1947 Chateau Margo de Pop that your grandfather willed to you, that priceless one that Aunt Cranky tried to swipe from his basement, (and don’t forget the 25 year old single malt with the sherry cask finish) and have a week of …

What you don’t get: Children (we said that already, we just didn’t know if you were paying attention), swimming (unless you bring your new Artic wetsuit), fishing (out of season), a week of Florida beaches and sunshine (believe me, this is not Florida), a lot of questions (we don’t ask questions unless it is regarding a dinner or wine preference). You get the picture.

Price: $420 USD per person per week (that’s for food (no, make that excellent food) and to guarantee the sun will rise which, if it doesn’t, you get your money back along with perpetual winter). Pre-reservation questions accepted, call the owner (very discrete) Jerry Noel, 1-800-300-2476, whisper if you must. CN taxes extra.

2008 Chaudiere Lodge Special Week #2
Labor Day Very-Long Weekend
September 1st through September 6th
(5 nights, 6 days)

What you get: Great end-of-summer fishing, excellent food, all the kids are back in school (as in, there aren’t here), lodging, boat, motor, bait, all safety equipment, excellent service (after all, the staff has had all summer to practice, on the other hand, since we drive them like camels for four months they could be a tad worn out, but probably not as we have a tendency to increase their rations toward the end of the season as clinically diagnosed weight loss claims are tough on our workmen’s comp rates).

More: Included in the price is one day with a guide (see page 1 for a picture of the guide boat), based on four guests per boat.

More, More: The Muskie are basking in the shallows wondering what’s for dinner; the Pike are trying to add a little more fat for the winter (fat=your worm/minnow); the Bass are worried they are going to get the dinner invitation from you-know-who; and the Walleye (pickerel), well, the ones that made it through another summer without getting hooked are…, wait a minute, there’s a nice plump minnow-snack and he’s wearing one of those jiggy things that Fat Uncle Walter used to like, RIP.

Take most of the week off (everybody else is) and come up and have some fun, relax with a few friends and sleep without the air conditioning. Extra blankets, no charge.

Price: $1130 USD per person, CN taxes extra. Call Jerry at 1-800-300-2476 and tell him Uncle Walter referred you.